He loves me, HE LOVES ME NOT
As Teen Dating Violence Awareness month closes out, I can't help but share one of the hidden warning signs of dating abuse. One that is simply, hidden by love.
As a little girl most of us have a memory of a time that we sat with our best friend, giggling, while plucking the silky petals off a daisy or a dandelion while hoping that the last petal was left in our plump palm predicting our future:
He loves me.
And then we'd fall over in laughter hoping our best friend didn't notice we actually just yanked 2 petals from the stem because we saw in fact where our fate was headed:
He loves me not.
Years of friendship was the root that had already been so perfectly planted into the rich soil of my teenage heart. The pursuit for my heart was unlike any other boy at the time. He was cheerfully relentless. His charm made me feel wanted, his laugh brought me joy, and my worth eventually found its twisted way to being in him and our relationship.
Nika Maples, a powerful speaker at a writer's conference I recently attended in Texas, told her story that the day Jesus planted a dream of writing in her heart, the devil planted a weed right next to it; entangling and choking out her God-given pursuit.
So quickly into our relationship I was told, "I love you."
As nice as it was to hear a boy tell you that you are loved, it was a weed, a wild plant growing and not wanted.
It was too fast. It was just emotion. It was a cover up so I would not see the entanglement coming. Weeds compete for a flower's sunshine and water, to starve the plant, leaving it without nutrients, to weaken it.
Then the flower is prone to infection and disease.
And then I said it back.
I loved him.
He loves me, he loves me not.
This was like the box that should have never been opened. Those words jumping out of my mouth was as if I handed over the innocence of my young teenage years to a boy that would cheapen it to the equivalent of a .50 cent plastic toy.
In dating violence and abuse, you have the more obvious beginning warning signs and red flags: possessiveness, anger, control, extreme jealousy. But what about the oh so very early warning signs of abuse, that seem to pop up just as the heart is inflating?
I love you? That's bad?
Saying "I love you" early on is a type of bond of attachment being formed. This is taking the mask off. The abuser is in hopes that with the trade of "I love you"back and forth, the victim is now more relaxed and acceptable to any and all behavior.
What he's really saying is:
You are mine.
I now control you.
I will feel power through manipulation of you.
And as you slowly begin to accept all the words, the charm, and the gifts, your heart will be conditioned to eventually accept the abusive behavior.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
There is only one. Only one that doesn't play games to make you wildly guess their true love for you. You don't have to pick up a flower and pluck it's petals hoping for the object of your affection to turn his affection towards you.
There is a real, pure love just for you.
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18
This blog is to help reach women that need to know their new identity in Christ from past abuses
If you are BROKEN.
If you are Ashes.
If you are Victim.
Come back. I long to tell you your new name: